Here I am sat at the computer and the world feels like someone has hit pause, whilst simultaneously hitting hyper speed in my brain.
Thoughts are whirling around my head, news stories flash in and out, images clatter against the side of my skull, and my breath feels hard and stuck.
Stuck, stuck in a strange alternative universe, stuck in a weird movie, stuck in an unknown time, stuck, just the biggest almighty amount of stuckness.
This is my reality, but what is the reality for others?
My Whatsapp is lit up with voice and video messages as I connect with friends all across the globe. Old voices I haven’t heard in a long time, faces that shift with every second as the reality presents itself. The sound of tears and heartbreak, businesses fold, and livelihoods shift beyond control.
The words I type feel weighted, like they are being dragged down, pulled down to depths that I can no longer reach. Somewhere I am not in control of, until they all slip out of sight.
As I look down into the depths, I am struck that in the dark waters I can see my reflection, I can see the water moving, I can see bubbles rising. Light reflecting off the surface, ripples appear and words float below the surface.
The words are not clear, but they are there, the water shifts and changes with every glance.
My reflection moves in flow with the water and the light changes the way I see and the way I feel.
The darkness is full of glorious blues, greens and glossy black, iridescent, dancing around with each other, delighting in each other’s company.
The voices I hear, the faces I see through Whatsapp all change.
I see them, I see the true them, I feel them and I hear them.
I am connected more than I have been in a long time.
My reality is this, its what I choose to see and what I choose to feel. The waters may seem dark, but with darkness there lays inherent beauty.
Mother earth has pressed pause, she has pressed the reset, we are being invited to connect, but to really connect with one another.
To share our true feelings, let the tears roll, let the fears have space, let the anxieties rise, and for them to be truly heard.
Honour each other, be still, be there, listen, hear and acknowledge together that this is hard. Together we can find, see and create the beauty.
Do what’s right for you, honour yourself, your body, and be gentle with your self and gentle with others.